Back From Youth Conference

I survived with minimum muscle injury and sunburn and maximum expenditure of energy and enthusiasm. In other words: I'm wiped out.
But! While I was bored (the problem with homeschooled students is that if you don't provide entertainment they provide their own, and it can get weird; don't expect me to pay attention endlessly.) during some long worded explanation of something- I didn't listen, so I don't know what it was about- I started thinking about why I hate my birthday.
My train of thought went something like this:
I have had a mid-life crisis over my birthday every year since I turned thirteen. (The Teacher will claim that it started sooner than that. Don't care.) Mid-life crises are exhausting, so I look forward to turning twenty-one when I will be well and truly ancient and maybe finally realize that since I can't stop myself from getting older, I should just move on and let other people worry about it for me. (Whenever I start feeling old- I'm almost seventeen- I go find the Teacher and remind her that she has an almost-seventeen year old daughter; she says "Oh, shut up" and I go on my merry way, happy to be reminded that no matter how old I get she will always be older.) But really, what bothers me most about birthdays is something someone told me that made a big impact. Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional. I would really not like to be fifty-five with the social skills of a two year old someday. So every time I have a birthday, really I'm freaking out about what I've done in the last year. Did I grow up? Did I grow up as much as I should/could/would have thought? I don't know how much time I have. And being as good as or even better than other people isn't good enough. I want to be as good as I can be, and even better if possible. I don't want to stagnate. I want to move forward and grow up.
Aaaand I don't like getting older, either.
PS: the Horde is here. They brought two marmalade colored kittens. The Cuteness! It's too much! The short haired one is named Macavity. (Macavity was not there!) The long-haired one is probably going back home with the Horde. And the Teacher's chickens are here, Quetzlcoatl and Nameless1 and Nameless2.