Graham crackers.
The Principal bought a box thinking it would be a nice spin off on the Wild Saltine joke. He informed me that Graham crackers will overpower Saltines because they're bigger. I pointed out that this is only because Graham crackers are cowards, and only move in herds, but if the Saltines are smart enough to cut them into individuals the Saltines are big enough to overpower the Graham crackers.
There was a flaw in the plan. (Don't ask whose plan it was. These things tend to just happen in this house.) It's true that Graham crackers are invasive, but only where they are the dominant predator in the local food chain. These Graham crackers were discovered by the Teacher before they could move in on the Saltines, thus ruining the joke and causing much disappointment (to the Principal, and probably the Graham crackers, because they got eaten).
I have some sad news to report, however. The Teacher and the Principal are both Graham cracker rustlers. They kept stealing my crackers! And they laughed about it! I was obviously unable to protect the Graham crackers in their natural habitat, so I made an executive decision and ate them before anyone stole any more. Because I'm generous and loving that way.
The Saltines have breathed a sigh of general relief: the menace has been vanquished.
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Greg can down a package of graham crackers in no time flat if he has a mug of milk to go with it. They may be able to take on Saltines, but they're obviously no match against humans!
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