I used to think I was destructive. Things break easily around me. I'm more careful now, but things still seem pretty flimsy. I'm the kind of person who doesn't collect nick-nacks not because I don't like them, but because I don't like to be constantly on the edge of breaking things.
Macavity and Deuteronomy make me feel like the gentlest of butterflies.
Example one: eyewitness. We have one of those big, industrial push brooms. (Being an engineer, the Principal has a fondness for industrial-strength anything.) For some reason it was propped up against the wall on the porch brush end up. Not a big deal if you don't experience sudden high winds or an attack of kittens. I walked out one morning and found Macavity on top of the brush- don't ask me how he got there- gnawing on the thick orange straws (made out of plastic, so they aren't straw, but I don't know what else I would call them).
Just as I came back with the camera, the broom fell down. One scared kitty and no cool picture. Story of my life.
Example two: circumstantial evidence. A loud sound occurred on the porch early this morning. I went out and found the screen door (unattached, just leaning against the wall, they aren't that strong) flat on the ground with a flower pot and lots of dirt on top of it. Nearby were two spooky looking kittens. (Spooky is another word for guilty when you're dealing with cats.)
So, if you need a natural disaster to occur at your home so you can fill out an insurance claim, there are two kittens available for rent here. I'm charging $13.25 per hour, but it probably won't take them that long to wreak sufficient havoc. All proceeds go to my college fund.