I am a writer. I'm not starving, I'm not beaten, and while I am mocked on occasion, I mock back so for the most part people don't pick on me. I'm not very poor and I don't live in a drafty, dusty attic with creaking floorboards (although my room is dusty because I'm too lazy to dust; sometimes I'm too lazy to put my clothes away). I don't have to walk to school in the snow. I don't have to work in a coal mine to earn money for my family. I've never had a traumatizing, scarring experience. I've never had a) an illicit love, b) an unrequited love, or c) a love that died/moved away to never be seen again.
I am obviously seriously handicapped.
I've often agonized over this. How can I be a great writer when I can't be self-pitying with a straight face, when I don't hate anyone, and when I don't look good in black? I have mood swings, but they're never very inspiring. And I'm too practical to work myself into a healthy fit of black despair.
(Being practical is a curse of Titanic proportions when you're trying to court the muse. Or a muse. Any muse will do, I'm not picky.)
And being cursed with reason, I'm not very interested in seeking out a traumatizing, scarring experience.
As a writer, I'm not very writerly.
But! There's something most writers do that I can do to!
I can go on a writing retreat!
Except that I can't drive, and I don't have that much money, and a real retreat would have crowds and would be therefore uncomfortable. I'm not comfortable with crowds.
But I could give myself a writing retreat! I could write by candlelight. I could listen to music over and over and over (not that I don't do that, but I could do it without someone yelling at me, which would be nice). I could make a tent and write under the kitchen table. I could go write in my treehouse. I could (gasp) outline one of my ideas into book form! I could write bad poetry. I could write blog posts for those days when I don't have anything to say. I could break out one of my old first drafts and practice editing. I could write alternate endings to my favorite stories. I could do anything!
(On the more practical side, I could cook all my meals ahead of time so I wouldn't have to stop writing to cook or clean.)
I need to start leaving bed&breakfast pamphlets around the house for my parents. It could take a while for them to get the hint, but I can be very persistent.