Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I Can't Decide if it's More Satisfying to Freak Them Out Accidentally or On Purpose

Yes, I really said that today.

I was in Spanish today (shock! I've only been in that class twice a week every week since the beginning of eternity!) and feeling bored because I love Spanish, so I study ahead, so when the teacher covers the material it's difficult to give her my riveted attention. (My life is hard.) Also because at this point in the class everyone was going up to look at a print-out of their grade that she had put together for us. I was first, so I had about fifteen minutes of nothing to fill with boredom.

Boredom should be transported in armored trucks and labeled with warning signs. It always gets me into trouble.

One of my classmates, a semi-friend I will never see again when the semester is over, was standing in front of my desk. I was staring at her. Not on purpose to see if she would stare back (I do that sometimes, but not with semi-friends), but just because she was there and I was bored. She finally looked at me and said "What are you thinking?"

Usually I think about what I say before I say it. But if you hit me with a question when I'm bored, all my self-editing sub-routines are turned off and I'll automatically tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in all its nude glory.

"I'm thinking that you have very pretty eyes."

(Did I mention that there should be warning signs?)

Everyone (okay, only the few people who sit near me- everyone else is smart enough to be on the other side of the classroom, in case I turn out to be contagious) shouts "What!" Including this classmate that I just (I think) complimented. She mumbles something like "Okaaaay" and holds up her planner as a shield between us. Definite freaking out going on.

At this point I am definitely not bored, and I go into emergency damage-control mode.

"Well, I've noticed that blue eyes are usually shallow, but yours are dark on the edges and pale in the middle and it makes it look like they're glowing, and I like that." Damage-control is successful; she lowers her planner and thanks me and then tells me about her children's eyes, and how she thinks my eyes 'have character'. My eyes are occasionally pretty when they feel like it, so I thanked her, and then it was over, and despite this stern lesson I went back to being bored. (Maybe warning signs wouldn't be effective after all.)

I told the Teacher about this, and she laughed at me. Then she pointed out that 'you have really pretty eyes' is actually a classic pick-up line, and she probably thought I was lesbian. Which totally didn't occur to me until she told me.

It's very hard to appear normal when you've missed out on all the childhood training everyone else gets in the public school system.

The Teacher asked me if I was going to ever tell a woman again that they have pretty eyes. She should know better than to ask that kind of question by now.

"Maybe. It depends on whether I actually think so."

Random Post-script 1: I resisted the siren call of m&ms three times today! I feel like I should get a medal of weight-loss honor or something.


  1. Ahh. The exciting life we home shcoolers share. Isn't ignorance wonderful?

  2. Ha - I loved your comment about how boredom should be transported in armored trucks with warning signs! I've also noticed my self-editing skills decrease with boredom - or fatigue. I've put my foot (or feet) in my mouth MANY times that way.

    Still, I wouldn't have taken a compliment on my eyes awry - women compliment each other all the time. It's guys that really can't get away with that kind of thing (a woman can say "You look really hot in those jeans" to another woman, but a straight guy would NEVER say that to another guy!).