We now know that we have the most mellow cat in the continental USA. Deuteronomy is a long-hair, and a few weeks ago we had to shave him for summer. I held him while the Principal shaved him, and not once did that cat bite, scratch, or even make any serious attempts at escape. He definitely wasn't happy, and tried to hide inside my armpit, and began to yowl a little towards the end, but he didn't tear my face off, which is what other cats would have done.
When we were done, Deuteronomy's head and chest was fluffy; his tail and hind-quarters were fluffy; and everything in between looked like a mowed down cornfield. However, he's much happier now. He's jumping on things and pricking his ears every time something moves. He looks so bad it's almost cute, because he has no clue of just how awful he really looks.
Yesterday we went into town for our own haircuts and told the hairstylist about it. She sided with the cat.